workshops..training..info overload..

realised I haven posted for days.. gosh.. feels like Ive got so many things to say! gota organise my thoughts.. :P

well, I was actually busy with the job training these days.. attending the workshops, training at the store..and ended up home real late.. tired n brain dead... so many things Ive gota know and remember..all the terms, coffee facts, method of preparation blah blah.. info overload!!
with all the coffee tasting ..i realised coffee is an art... yes.. knowing it well is not easy.. the different types of beans frm various countries haf diff tastes n.... they drive me nuts now since Ive to figure out the diff...

for u guys who drink coffee with milk n sugar.... haa. the coffee tasting part is gonna be tough I guarantee.. cos we gota drink it black to get the real taste... so lucky I like black coffee cos most pp cdn tahan the bitterness.. actually come to think of it, I dunno how ppl can taste coffee when its all overwhelmed by the milk n sweetness??

the peepz at the workshop n store are real nice bunch of frenz.. most were pretty friendly n fun-loving.... =) Im real impressed by the way the partners do the drinks-calling (we have to say it in a specific order..n way... Im having a hard time learning it...) , the way they prepare the drinks with full confidence n yet having fun.. hmmz... guess Ive really gota work hard huh.

at times I do feel bit pressured...wonder if I can learn things fast enough..wonder if Ill perform up to expectations..wonder if ppl will hate me.. wonder how long Ill be able to stay...omg..sigh. oh well. let nature takes its course I suppose.. everything's still new anyway..

that's the work part.. other than that..oh yea, met up with a few bf sweeties yest night.. hung ard in Conrad..n lazed at the lobby (refer to the photo!).. yea..... actually that place reminded me of some sweet memories though..felt strange when I entered the hotel yest..well that's something only me n someone else knows..
anywayz we left off to the Esplanade to chat n started talking bout life etc.. felt quite sad when I realised I really don't know what Im doing n what I should do with my life.. I know Ive been feeling kinda lost in this world.. lost my direction n cant seem to find it.. oh well..

though i try not to pressure myself more in getting the answer..but I can't help feeling it sometimes... especially im asked bout what Im doing, what I plan to do... do we really need to know the answer? oh darn..I bloody need an answer page... a ten-year series with all the model answers...or a life-long series to make it better...

but I have to say I had a nice time at the Esplanade.. nice atmosphere... though we talked bout pretty deep issues.. but it just felt good talking to good frens..chilling out.. n I actually felt little better after that .. knowing that I need not know the answers all the time.. knowing that Ive got ppl around me who cares.. n knowing that Ive got what I have..
at the end of it... i realised there's something very hard to do but we all really need to have it... that's contentment... do u feel it?

oh ya I must tell u smtg.. know who's steven tan? yea the footballer... they used to call him supersub during those Malaysia Cup times... he really hasn't change much in looks... often see him at the stadium since he coaches the tamp. soccer teams.. must tell u he's a nice friendly guy.. yea, smiled at me today somemore woh! haa.
honoured! felt this sudden urge to run up to him n tell him I used to scream my head off n jumped up n down the bed when watching his team played in the Malaysia cup.... esp. when he's called on to replace his mates.. thank god/buddha I din... wd haf scared the heck out of him..

alritey, ive gota go..whole day of training again tom.. sobz. haf to miss the metta home visit.. before I go..I present the lovely hamsters of my house..their names.....Dick(white)..n Harry (black)...cos Tom died.. (Im serious...I named them...)


with metta....

a type of bf u prob dun wanna haf..

how's everyone been? my day was quite good, a rest frm yest...tomorrow's gonna be draining..haf a training workshop to attend. yea, decided to at least get a job for now, whether or not it's my "career" ..at least to last me till I find one that I fall in love with... ...
so went back to fnB service crew.. parttime though...cos wanna teach tution too, (anyone haf lobang? let me know plssssss!)

something I always liked, and something that I enjoy doing ...if u ever see my resume..manz.. 90% of my part time jobs were all fNb or banquet ones..
I know alota ppl dislike those jobs...some despise it too. I dun really care, and I don't know why they have to despise ppl working in that line..
u guys know it's not an easy job, esp when the pay aint tat fantastic... but theyve gota bear with all the annoying customers.
I think that's one of the most admirable job in fact. ppl who really climb their way up to managerial roles..theyve been tru all kind of shit cos all of them ve been in the front line b4...

anyway, yea, so decided to return to service! =) haven really started working la, just starting training onli...bout 2 more weeks to go ba. hmmz. ill tell more when it starts k..dun wanna jinx it..
realise each time i talk about smtg I get, it ends very fast le. haa, besides i dun seem to stick to smtg very long...ADD rememebr?

actually I kinda miss my job at Duck... for u guys who know my previous previous job.. I miss the times there, the satisfaction , the nice customers, the tips! haa. it was a very good experience...i did thought about going back..but quite paiseh to go back again le..besides it's also not a longterm type of job. sheesh.
and.....Ill start getting more sun..and Moreeeee ppl will be asking me about my blackness... :<
better not then.

talking about that, think I gota paste a notice on me that says "I know Im overtan or black...reason cos I get a lot of sun(duh!)..tru swimmin in the sun and work..pls stop staring.."
Cos I really get so many funny stares and strangers asking me about my "colour" .. haa. come to think of it, will be quite a fresh pick-up line.. only I dun get it in that way! damn..
anyways will be out of swimming n the sun these few days..so Ill fade a lot I think...

u know on my way back on the bus juz now...there was a young teenage couple sitting in front of me... they were obviously in their first few weeks or months (the most!) of their relationship... teasing each other and hitting playfully... and I tell u what amused me the most...
before I get to that, leme make things clear...they were so obvious and loud so I wasnt being kaypo okay.... passengers around me were STarinG!

anywayz...the whole time (30mins) they were flirting around and "talking".. the guy was stealing glances at .....not another girl...but HIMSELF! his reflection on the window panes la...
the girlfren was sitting inside...so he tilted his body to face the window...and talked to her...

which fantastic boyfren talks to u , but constantly watches his reflection to check his hair, his cap, his face, his wateevr.... it was so not because he was conscious whther he looked good enough for his gf.... it was very obvious...he was totally self-obsessed.... and was not even paying attention to his "gf"...
are u guilty of that? or haf u seen such guys? catching glances all the time of his reflection, smile at himself, shift his cap (like there's any difference!), redo his side-burns (nobody really cares!)... I was so amused I kept wondering if the gf knew what he was doing... or that he wasn't really listening...

hmz. I wonder if I do that a lot?catching glances of myself.....hmm ..nope dun think I do that... besides Im too black that I can't even see any reflection sometimes.. *faintz*

tired..gota wake up early tomorrow..so goodnite sweeties..

with metta...

rabbit on a leash...

not a typical sunday today.. missed youth session, cos wasnt feeling well. duno why had this bad headache..not a normal kind...it's a puling all the way frm the bottom of the back of the head.. aiya. too complicated to describe.

anyway.. missing youth made my sunday quite boring.. like smtg missing. but thank goodness I got to meet up with some of them juz now. haa.
I was totally bored.. was buggin them hoping some would stay on later.. luckily I had some company in the end! so appreciate them for staying...despite some were yawning away...n eyes looking like hush puppies.. haa. thanks sweets!

oh yea, wanted to ask anyone here who owns a rabbit... do u actually tie a "leash" to it and bring it down for a walk? err, a hop? I was cycing by..and saw this guy holding on to a leash... since I like checking out dogs (that sounds a bit stupid..) , I looked down..and I almost fell off my bike when I saw a rabbit tied to it... omg.. and there was another rabbit with a leash around too.

Pardon me, but this is seriously the first time I see that! Ive seen ppl bringing rabbits out to a field and let them hop around ...(but seriously..most of the time, they just bury themselves among the grass n laze...) ...but on a leash? *faintz*
yes yes some ppl do that...I was just shocked....n I found out that this is quite controversial...why? read this...
http://www.petsyclopedia.com/rabbits/care/leash.xml

and guess what..what made it more pathetic was that the "leash" was raffia string.... if u dunno..it damn hurts ..having raffia tied around ur neck...n get pulled around.....try it if u dun believe... sheer abuse le!

okay..sorrie I dunno why these few days I keep seeing things that have to do with abuse... maybe Im juz "allergic" to it... goodness...rabbit on a leash...made of raffia string... if only Im "gutsy" enough..I would yell at that guy...n then cycle as fast as I can away... haa. in case he loops a raffia around me... sheesh.

so any rabbit owners here? tag me.. n pls dun tell me u do that raffia thing to ur rabbit..Ill try that on u someday.. =)

alritey peepz, gota go... a week ahead..smtg exciting ? nah.. i tink it's gonna be just another week... n no......dun ask me anymore about jobs..Im freaking out bcos I get that almost every minute of the day... soon Im gonna go to a hide-out..so I won't get any more of it..... =)
the job will come... yes it will. =)

with metta...

thank u my friend (9)...

I really am glad to know u.. u were a great company in Sunway... always so helpful to everyone u know.. I remember I always had to trouble u to fix my printer, my com and stuff. the company to KL n pasar malams too. being so hardworking n humble, u never brag about anything and was always so willing to learn. u are really a true good friend. such a pity we are countries apart! with the recent unrest, I pray for u that ur family will be safe and well. I belive in karma, and a good guy like u will be blessed with goodness too... thanks for being a great friend!

far far east...

think im giving up. the more I try, the more I think about it, the more it's not going to work. Maybe it's my bad karma ripening..do I really have that much bad karma? so much that this has to drag on for so long... sigh.

anyway...had a boring day.. spent my night wandering around on my own.. wanted to spend it with my parents, but guess they were not feeling well. was told to "do what I want to do?" I was quite lost...din know how to react.. what do I want to do? I don't even know the answer myself.

So ended up going for dinner and walking around town on my own. realised things changed a lot... When I was still in sec sch..often hung out at FarEast during weekends... I remember the place used to be quite "wulu" still, with the same few sch students who are regulars...

Today...my gosh..the place is totally transformed. the basement opened up (Used to be metro la..), filled with shops, wanna-bes, over dressed youths... punks, lians, bengs.. even the lians and bengs "fashion" changed! (I know it has already changed for years...)

Although it's not my first time there now, I just reflected on it today... reminisce bt sweet memories of mine.. it certainly wasnt full of cigarette smokes puffing frm "cool" youths.. I actually had to cough my whole way frm Far East till Ck Tangs..
Teenagers were crossing road without even looking out for traffic....swaggering like it's their grandpa's road.. sheesh.

I started to wonder how the place will turn out in 8 years' time... or rather how "wanna-be" youths will be acting by that time... kinda scary... I admit even my generation of youths weren't that "holy innocent"...but still, norms were much more conservative.. there was more innocence around... ppl were still generally more rule-abiding...had curfews by parents... n a 1 night stay over at a friend's place was a big deal!

hmm..I guess it's also part of the consequence of a more advanced n modern society...societal norms are more liberalised...and the young mature much
faster...
Some believe the "hormones" injected in farmed animals to make them grow faster play a part too... if u don't know, most farmed animals esp chickens are injected with these hormones so they will grow so fast most of their legs break bcos they can't support the body weight... reason for injecting? to meet dietary demands my dears... they wan to make money...they can't afford to wait for months to let the chickens grow naturally... if u are not convinced..check this out then..
http://www.factoryfarming.com/poultry.htm

Anyway as I was saying, whether u believe the "hormones" play a part in fast-maturing youths.. well, it's really up to you.. but there is research that support it ...

hmm..just realised I got drifted away..haa. oh yea, a friend of mine asked me.... since I always dream about my Mr Perfect..do I think Ill end up marrying one that represents it?

haa, actually I think many times in real life, we end up being with ppl that are totally different frm their "ideals"... it's true ...really.. In fact, I think as long as we found the one whom u truly loved and wanna be with him/her forever...the one who will take care of u for the rest of your life...never neglects u...and the one who will accompany u to the hospital for check-ups when u are 70... now...I think that's more important...

looks are superficial..yet ppl can't resist the attraction of it...that's probably why lust happens more than love... it's sad huh.

anyway doubt Ill ever find my MR Perfect...bcos I realise frm most guys I know... their ideals are always the type who are fair (I obviously fail..), long-haired (mine not long enough), feminine (I fail again..), submissive (I doubt Im enough...), not forgetting pretty (I totally fail again...).. haa. admit it guys...u dream about such girls don't u!

hmm. when sometimes I think about it, if Im lucky enough to live till old that is, all I wan to be when Im in my 50's is to have a loving family of mine...with a doting husband.. 2 kids...and a dog! *dreaming again*

haa, oh well, sometimes I fear Ill never be near that...fear Ill die young..fear Ill die alone..sheesh. Ive a whole LOT of fears I tell u...all bcos of impermanence..now that is probably one of the greatest truth Ive ever known... no wonder Buddha can be Buddha =)

ritey then, u guys enjoy ur Sundays huh. with metta...


Thank you my friend (8)....

U were someone special, bcos u were my best friend. Many years of friendship we had, it must be fate that we ended up in the same schs truout ...even till JC.. days and years of memories... we hung out alll the time ..before sch, after sch.. nothing seemed to make us drift apart.. it's ironic isn't it, how things turn out today...

to tell u the truth, although we were the greatest pair of friends, Ive always felt pathetic next to u. It's prob my fault I let others' constant comparison affected me. I just weren't nowhere near the perfection u were. Well, things started to change, we both changed and u had ur own life, and so did I...they just weren't compatible anymore. Good things come to an end, always.

Still, I wanna thank u for the great times we had, the yakking and rubbish we went tru while growin up... the rushing back b4 our parents screamed at us, the chalets we organised, and the daily trips to sch. I appreciate ur being around during most of my ups and downs at that time. But in the end, we still need to move on.. I think it's better how things are now, no regrets... Wishing u all the best..

resignation....

Im feeling sad again... so many things I can't tell anyone and so many feelings I need to cope with.. don't even try to ask me why, and start telling me it will help if I let it out. I know it won't help. Trust me, telling will make me more troubled than I already am. but just ur listening/reading my sucky posts is enough to make me feel better. thanks..

you know, sometimes I get so upset over somethings but I don't want to face conflicts with parents...so I end up keeping it inside me. It's ironic...when I keep it to myself to avoid conflicts and quarrels...but they get upset that I don't talk about things, and keep to myself. WHenever there's a conflict, the guilt overwhelmes my entire mind, heart and soul. I can't help it...I would start feeling guilty for being less than perfect..for causing all the pain.. it prob sounds stupid to you.. that's why I don't usually tell...bcos having to deal with the judgement doesn't help.

Don't u face situations where u just would rather keep quiet and pray that the frustration and anger would go away soon? instead of kicking a big fuss out of it... but then sometimes I wish I could just kick a big fuss and get away with it...that way, its easier and more effective to chase away the frustration.... sigh, forget it, these are things the complicated me have to deal with. I won't bore u with stupid thoughts of mine.

Anyhow...how was ur day? Mine was fine (overstatement)... but 1 interesting incident happened though... Went for a swim today...and got "knocked" by a guy... that's why I really hate crowded pools... it totally defeats the purpose of a relaxing swim when u have to "siam" all the times.... It wasn't unusual that happened, so I carried on swimming.
Until......after my swim...guess what? I found a note at my bag...which says "sorry for bumping into you .." I was super amused... not exactly touched...but amused... haa.
this is NOT the first time I got knocked and hit by "splashing" swimmers... but this is definitely THE first time I get an "apology" letter! wow...boy was I impressed... the guy actually took the effort to write a letter?

but then...I wondered how the guy knew where my bag was? hmm..but no, nothing was stolen la. and no the guy wasn't a handsome hunky man.. he was a young student ...I know..cos he wrote it on his JC foolscap... haa. still it was nice of him to write an apology..actually sayin sorry is good enough...unfortunately I seldom get that from "bumpers", not even a response when I apologise...

oh yea, talking about handsome hunky man... I actually saw 1 today! a few hours ago...on a feedle bus.. so I guess he stays nearby... I almost fainted when he boarded the bus. It was just a too good sight to be true... tanned, very nice built (not over done, just totally well-done!), and sporty...haa, u know la, I like this category =)
manz... imagine having such a boyfriend...u could pick a fight with any bugger and he will settle him for u. =) by non-violent means of course. Perfect gentleman!
plus, he din look like the ego ego kind...and his eyes could melt 10 tubs of ice-cream in a sec. *slurp* haa =)

oh yea guys lemme tip u on something...most girls don't get impressed by guys who fight over stupid things... or those who raise their hands and fists and knuckles too often... violent men aint cool..they only scare..because someday u might do that to ur loved ones if u ain't careful.. so be a gentleman always huh!

okay, enough of my dreaming...well but that did help to cheer me up a little. => the weekend's here again...I know it's supposed to be good, but bcos of some reason, Im sighing instead.
nitey sweethearts!


Thank u my friend (7).........

Knew u since I was 13?or 14? through chat channels online! despite only being net-friends, we managed to keep in contact till now! sometimes it amazes me how we managed to get back in contact again when we "lost" contact! haa. u are certainly a net friend Ive known for the longest time! Anyhow, I tink u will know who u are, bcos I wanna thank u for being such a great companion for movies and a 'guardian" while I was in KL.
Thanks for being around and u really made my staying over there more enjoyable. I believe it's fate that we became friends and remain friends for such a long time when we stay a causeway away! haa. well, just wanna wish u all the best in your job and life! must treat ur gf very well huh, and don't forget to invite me for ur wedding! =>

leave me alone

so damn irritated. just feel like screaming my head off. life sux real lot at this moment. don't ask me why. it just does.
nothing has an answer and every aspect of my life seems to be waiting for me to decide. I hate the feeling. I hate doubting my own decisions.
I hate it even more when people start to judge my decisions. it's like I need to be perfect all the time. if I make a choice, I wil live with it. Why make me feel guilty for doing so. U aint perfect, Im not too.

am already having a bad day..and my parents just had to annoy me further. Why can't I just be left alone. When I talk, nobody listens. When I don't, they say they hardly see me. What about the times u see me, do u ever talk about it? was I appreciated at that time? Why issit only the bad u see?
How come others can move on with their own life, and their parents are just happy seeing them no matter how often. How come I have to always be around? How come I can't have my own space. Im already 23 years old for goodness sake's.
Whatever I do never seems enough for anyone. i just only seem to hear "u never..." and all the negatives...tell me how excited can I be when Im with u all, when all I hear is just about what I never do, what I should be doing, ...everything else I do is just wrong.

I wish they will stop asking me about my plans. heck whatever plans. It does't really matter what I say...it will end up being not good enough.

I hate the guilt game. Why do I always have to be trapped by it, when others can escape....

dreams...will be dreams forever...

back frm my muAy bOx class..manz.my arms got no more strength to type a long post.. it's trembling..... pathetic.. not like it was very xiong... hm. darn, must strengthen my biceps triceps or watever ceps it is. :P

but i must admit it was very shiok... the shiokness comes frm punching like mad. punch like some jerk is in front of u... punching out ur frustrations.. although most of the time, i kinda go off target. *faintz*

I had a dream yesterday...dreamt of someone I shouldnt be dreaming of anymore.. but it was so good to see him again. so good to hold him..so good to be held by the person u loved. Ive had these dreams on n off even though we aint' together anymore..
ever heard of the chinese saying "Re you suo si, Ye you suo meng"...means what u think of in the day...ull dream of in the night... smtg like tat la.. well, I believe in it..

Although we moved on..he moved on...but I think I never really let my heart moved on.. it's hard when u gave it all... n it's gone.. I guess it's all over..n those memories shd just remain as memories.
My heart's been hurt so many times I learnt never to show it again..
my heart needs someone to heal n protect...not to break ...
I guess it will live again when the right person comes... but.... will it ever happen?

for my friends in love..i know ive said this before..but i believe being in love is one of the best things in the world....the feeling of knowing someone will be there for u.... knowing that someone will hold u when times get rough... the someone will hug u when u need a shoulder to cry on... that someone will tell u everything will be alright.. that someone u can just sit with in silence n u are satisfied.....
treasure him or her... cos love is a precious thing...

with metta....


Thank you my friend (6)...
I dreamt of u last night again... I met u a few years ago... I didnt even dreamt of being with u when I first knew u... i thought we were so far apart and different... but when we got to know each other more... I realise how close we were...and how similiar our hearts were..
U were the one who showed me hope ..who let me love again... who healed my broken heart and let it live once more.. I will never forget the sweet memories.. the times we spent together...
Many times I felt I wasn't good enough for u, bcos I thought u deserve more... but u told me I was the one.. I guess I let that feeling got to me.. I wanted the best for u... and I ended up letting u go..
I know uve moved on, and I will too, but I want to thank u for being my best friend during the wonderful year.. u were someone I could tell almost everything too..
I know I mean nothin to u now.. I won't be sad over it bcos I know nothing's forever. I wish u well, and I know ur gf 's one of the luckiest girl around...

alone in a big big world...

it was a good usual sunday today...seems like only 1 day in my week is typical but yet interesting! haa. went for youth...had a session on "Sickness".. where we were supposingly "handicapped" to complete a task...

I was one of the blindfolded ones.. during the whole time of being "blind"...I felt how most ppl fear feeling... insecure..fragile..afraid..neglected..inferior... It suddenly seemed like the world will go on without you in it. I had no idea what the others were busy doing..what they were talking about. Yet, I din wan to interrupt and disturb so I remained quiet n sat at my own place while the rest of the world busied.
That moment struck me..brought back a lot of painful memories.. the feeling of insecurity..the fear of being abandoned.. the trauma of being alone.. the fear of being inferior... It was so overwhelming.. I really don't know how to explain ...but I was just thrown back into the memories I hated.. Suddenly I felt useless and wished I wasn't in this world instead. Now..that was freaky.
Sigh. Sometimes I feel it's hard to be real. Ppl often see the outside of u...they don't know the other side.. however bad the other side is...we ourselves are the only ones that will truly understand. It probably sound deep. but Im sure each one of us have certain experiences or "secrets" that u'd rather keep to yourself..because u know no one else will understand it exactly the way u went thru. Talking about it sometimes understate the hurt. And u rather not be judged.

Anyways..after the session, some of us went to town to makan,jalan, talk cock.. happy hours as usual. haa. ..while talking to a friend...I realise how complicated humans relationships are...and how much individuals' differ in thinking...in behaving...and in characters? I guess that's why politics exist huh. No wonder world peace is impossible....

Something's wrong these few days.. something that makes me feel upset.. feel frustrated and annoyed...yet I feel Im to blame. It sux when u feel u are responsible for another's sadness isn't it?
But sometimes they don't know you are feeling equally helpless..and equally sad.. but u just don't want them to know..because u don't want them to worry. It really hurts..the guilt game always traps me. I hate it... I hope this will pass soon.

Let's talk bout something nice to cheer me up.. alright.Ill share a paragraph of a novel I read....it's what a girl said to her fiance-gonna be...

"You know...you'rn't like any of the guys that girls complain about......... You're not addicted to ESPN and porn...and don't have to win at games just to prove how great you are...... U know what it's like to serve others so when we go out..you don't treat ppl like crap... I like that u give ppl the benefit of the doubt, and drive like a granny..and don't give slow drivers the finger.... I used to think it was a show of weakness that u couldn't be bothered to get pissed...but now I realise that it's actually a strength...."

for someone like me who can't stop dreaming of meeting my Mr PerfeCt....that made me go "awwwwww"... wish I have someone to say that to..... Tell me where to find a man like that!!.... of course provided he's ...u know..looks like Hugh Grant...otherwise Brad Pitt will do... n maybe a built like Vincent Ng? haa.
Tell me if u know one. =)

Now ...that left me on a more positive note.. =) alrite sweeties, u guys have a good week ahead huh!

with metta...

Thank u my friends (5)......

This time I wanna thank a bunch of special friends I have....I know this gang since sec sch...sec 3 yr end I think.... tru a bbq...n these great friendships were made....
Remember how we used to hang out after sch...went for lunches...bowling.. movies.... pool.. Sentosa..tauning nights....n kaypo abit when some of us got attached.. n detached..haa. Since then....thru diff phases of youth life... even when we were in diff JCs..we hung out still... I really enjoyed these friendships...and the fun times we had.
I thank u guys for being there still when my health was crap.. when I was away in Da Ma... esp. the sweeties who carried the stuff toys I bought, tru the streets of Bangkok... haa. My mum can't get over it...the stuff toys are still laying nicely in my room...still inside their orignal plastic covers.. haa.
Yea...and u guys were the ones that made me realised how gentlemen should behave... at that young age when I knew u guys.... making sure we reached home safely was a big deal!!
And...regardless of how jerky some jerks can be...u guys are one of the minority bunch that represent hope for men.... =)

U know what...thanks for everything..and I really wish the flame of these friendships will keep burning...

life...

oH just realised I forgot the "Thank u my friend" section for the past 2 posts! hee. it's okay, ill make up for it. Today's post will end with 2 of it!

There was a moment today where my mind was filled ..really filled with thoughts of the meaning of life... (V. Mahinda's talk topic! ) I looked around at the people in the bus.. almost everyone was frowning, thinking, stoning etc. No one..totally no one was looking relax or smiling. Even those with friends, were either complaining or groaning about how bad work was. Maybe it was such my luck I din see a positive scene. But, it struck me at that moment.

Although Ive always thought about this, about why we are here as humans, what "mission" do we have to complete, or just where should we head to... today at that moment in the bus just struck me again. I thought about what buddhism teaches, or even about what different religions n schs of thought teaches. Their views of how life is derived and how it should be led. SUddenly, nothing satisfied my doubt.

I thought about how I or anyone could just die any moment. Not everyone is fortunate enough to live till 60 or so... I wondered what will happen when I die....maybe in the next few days. What would be my regrets.. where will I go.. Will I even be somewhere to see my loved ones mourn? OMG. We really take things for granted at times huh. We think we will be still around 20 yrs later, complaining about the government, complaining about our children, looking forward to retirement etc. How come each moment is about the next?

If uve caught "Click"...u ll understand the meaning behind the story... We really need to learn to live in the present..be it good, or bad.. be it painful or pleasure... live it the way it is.

Sorry I sound pretty "duh" and strange today. It's just these thoughts that refuse to get out of my mind. and no matter how much I convince myself with different sch of thoughts, I know I will only understand when the time comes. So..for now, let's be thankful we are alive. Treasure each day as if it's the last. Be nice to everyone , esp ur loved one..as if it's the last time ull be together. U won't regret, Im sure.

to u sweeties reading my blog now... although I dunno exactly who is reading, I just wanna say thanks... I believe we met for a reason, I believe in fate, so Im glad I know u....

with metta...


Thank u my friend (3)....

I met u years ago...during sec. sch... and exactly where?... tuition! haa. We din really talk much cos u were pretty quiet le. but was quite a coincidence that we live nearby. Even though we were always in different schs, n we don't really hang out much, but I enjoyed the "talks" sessions at nights. Come to think of it, it's quite amazing how we could still meet up once a while during different phases of life. Thru sec sch, JCs, n more. Though it was only tru these fun chats I got to know more of u, I must say uve been a great friend. Listenin to my probs esp.! I s€ure hope this friendship will last , and all the best in whatever u are doing now...

Thank u my friend (4)....

We both got into bF "tru" Ajahn Brahm... his talks n somehow I believe karma brought us here. It's quite amusing how we are "related" when u told me about ur sis. Never thought I wd know someone related to an ex- schmate! As I got to talk to u more, I realised how great a friend u are. I admire ur patience and ur caring attitude to every friend of urs. Oh yes, n thanks for ur little sexy can-opener present... a very memorable birthday I had. =) May our friendship last aloooong time.. more than 1 life-time! =>

can't stop smiling over a cut.

today was quite usual...except.. heh. visited the "salon". got a bit annoyed at my split-ends.. n
..I wanted to see The guy la. I mean the hairstylist.. dunno why...I tink he's kinda cute.. not as in cute kind of cute..but ..aiya. forget it. it's just me. I have unique (not wierd!) taste. now I can't stop smiling. sheesh.

U know..when I was really young...I HATED..really HATED going to the salon...or rather cutting my hair...my mum always had to drag me to the salon...and it'll end up with Me dragging her OUT of the salon.....if i had to cut..ill be mourning for it for the next 2 weeks....
dunno why but I hated cutting my hair.. my mum's the kind who believes in neat short hair that req. minimum maintainance.. which explains why my childhood photos never had me with longer than 1inch-below-ear hair.. haa.

But Now..it's different..heh.. god-knows since when I started looking forward to going to the salon... actually it's more cos of the hairstylist... I remember my days in KL too.. haa. I would go for a hair-cut when Im stressed out.. and it HAD to be THAT guy. he's darn cool lor. bald...with a bandanna... n his dress sense is like "Ill never have the guts to dress like that man!". But he's super good with his hair-cut skills! =>

Back here...Ive found another! hee. and he definitely is not bald.. cuter.. but the same kinda stylo type. gay or not..i dunno..I hope not! that will make me sad.... =<
Oh sheesh, talked too much about hair n hair cuts. anyways...I think I feel lost. (What's new? ) Really. Im still lost. Okay before u start telling me how to not feel lost..etc. StOp. Ill get over it. Just give me some time. I just needed to let it out.. so I put it on my blog. Not to ask for help k..
If u ask me what I meant by lost... I guess it's like the feeling of not knowing ur place in the world. What am I supposed to be doing? yes I know working. Besides that. Where should I be headin to? hmm. damn. that makes me miss study life. I wun haf to think that much then. sheesh.

oh well, better go get some sleep soon.. u dearies take care huh. I really appreciate ur support for my blog... whoever u are!

with metta.........

LaMe me LamE phoTos..

more pics frm my grad... thanks to my sweet brudDaR~






heh..some are quite ridiculous..i was annoyed at having to keep smiling so unnaturally..haa. so there u go.. stupid ideas as usual...

for all the mugging....it's over!

sorrie dearies for lagging 2 days! haa, wuz really busy over the weekend and super tired by the time I got home...
it's bout 1.30am now..was thinking of posting tomorrow..but think I'd better get things out before it accumulates! haa. will do a quick one !

firstly...most importantly....Im formally a GRADUATE! what the heck man....after years of mugging! haa. sharing some pics here..more will be up in my friendster or next post I guess.. it was on saturday...and I kinda felt abit fussed over...esp. when my parents were really much more enthusiastic than me.....dressing up...fussed over my attire....snapping shots non-stop like it was my wedding day.. haa.

it was held at Ritz Carlton..yes.so all the more the fuss! a simple ceremony..with quite a small crowd though. My parents n brother were my 3 guests.(we were limited to 3 guests only!) was just on time to get my gown..when I realised the rest of the grads were wearing shirts with collars n stuff...when I was in just a simple top. haa. my mum fussed..(again...) about how I din prepare..blah blah..
then...during the presentation of the certs...boy was I excited..haa.. I guess it was the walking on stage thing....I started having panic attacks! paranoid about how I will trip on the stage (I hate heels..if u realise..I never wear them unless I had to.....they just don't like me.) and fall on the guest of honour.... thank god/buddha I didn't!
oh I must tell u the feeling when U get that damn cert man. u suddenly feel like ur job is done. No more nags about sch work n getting a degree. Because U finally have it, dammit! haa.
actually...I wasn't that excited because the excitement ended the day I finished my last paper. No more studies!!!!!!!
Well, after the ceremony...my dad was so sweet to drive us to the esplanade...took somemore "scenic" photos...then to padang..for somemore photos...sheesh.. felt like a bride..without a groom. *groans*
Must really thank my brother for being my cameraman..haa. thanks sweetie for snapping shots ...n making me feel like some supermodel! => it 's either ur skills or the good camera that the photos turned out great! I think it's me , that's why .....haa

So there u go..little summary about my grad. For my sweeties still mugging for that darn degree, don't worry, ur day will come! trust me. when it comes, u will experience the greatest relief ever! hee.

Oh yes, and sat had to end beautifully with one of the best talks Ive ever been to. Venerable Mahinda's talk on "The meaning and purpose of life". It was held at the DaBei Buddhist Centre and LOOOOTS of people went for it. I was realy surprised by the crowd though.
That was my first time at V. Mahinda's talk....so went with not much expectations la.. Anyway,...for u sweeties who haven gone for his talk.. U really should! Ajahn Brahm's talks too! It really helps... For one..you Don't need to be a buddhist or believe in Buddha to go for such talks... because it's about life issues..and we are all affected....

Anyway...I was so amused with V. Mahinda's sense of humour..Believe me..it has been a looong time since I laughed that much in a talk...(whch was ironically supposed to be about serious issues...like LIFE...) I couldn't get over his jokes and his amusing accent!...I think I must have annoyed my dearies around me....(Perry? hee)
But I really left in a much lighter and positive mood! And I really am hoping Ill get to go for one of his retreats in Aloka soon! =>

That was a darn good saturday man... one I will remember for life I think... =)
Will talk about my sunday tomorrow I guess..if not..this post will be tooooo long! so nitey peepz!

with metta...

horrified...

OmG. I must talk about this. 2 consecutive days of cruel news. at least it's cruel to me. yest news..read about the sick person who apparently slit throats of cats and left it around dead. Imagine he actually enjoy the slitting of throats of these poor cats, n left it at various places..obviously for attention! What the h.. I was so disgusted to read that around 20 cats were found cut up n dead in the same way... all around Jurong etc.


If u have read these few days' papers' forum, lots of ppl wrote in to protest against the lenient sentence for the cat abuser. I strongly agree that if a person has the guts to torture living things and killing it with thrill appraently, it's no surprise he can do that to people too. A few month's jail aint gonna make him change for goodness' sake. If someone can kill, he can kill. Regardless of the object. The intention is there.


I was still coming to terms with the shock with I read today's papers. I almost puked. Im still traumatised. If u have the papers...refer to page 20. It's about Geese's Day-Antzar Eguna in Spain. Guess how they celebrate the occasion. Quoted from a website.. "The game consists of decapitating a dead goose hanging from a rope in the middle of the harbour – with nothing but their arms.

Coming alongside the hanging goose, the youngster grabs the neck of the animal and jumps into the water. Meanwhile, a group of “sailors” pull the ends of the rope, sending both goose and youngster into the air, subsequently letting it go and dropping them back into the water. The idea is to try and get the animal’s head off while withstanding this vigorous jostling."

Oh man..the pic in straits times really freaked me out. Poor geese. So what if they are dead already. Would u do that to a dead human body? OMG. think Im gonna faint soon. Urgh. Enough. Ill stop here for today. Im sorry if today's post's a little too "ethical" ..but. I just had to let this out.! Have a good weekend dearies! Thank you my friends (2).... This time I wanna thank 2 good friends (they are good friends with each other!)...I met u2 in JC. I remember ur patience, ur chirpiness and ur loyalty towards friends. u guys were always around when anyone needs help. U stood up for friends, u listened, u cheered ppl up , and u haf a great sense of humour. I remember how u2 were always cheering me up when I was upset with some jerk. U guys were so sweet and Im always thankful that u didn't just walked away when u all could. Thanks for listening to my "same problems" at that time, thanks for the patience and thanks for the memories. I wonder how u guys are doing now. Just know Ill never forget those times. with metta...

inTeresT deFicIt.....n FrIEndS....

okay..im realli liking this new blog. haa =) it's so fun..think ill be addicted to blogging soon. hmm. den again I doubt so. I get bored of things easily remember? always suspected I have an attention deficit prob, my interest span is like this "-" short. compared to normal "------------".

rememeber how my mum always sigh about my short interest span in learning stuff. she will never forget to mention how I tried to learn organ..(as in the music instrument)...took up for 3 grades..then decided I wanted to learn violin instead. So I did..but it was another 3 grades before I decided I probably had no music talent in me or watsoever. Gave up in the end. Haa.

It applies to other stuff..like learning japanese...(I took up a course...nv continued...for some reason I can't rememeber.. :P ).... took up a Yoga course..(yawned n fell asleep too many times during class that I felt I was wasting money..) ...went for line-dancing class with my mum... (we kinda cdn't catch the turning ard n round n round steps... n I started yawning too often in class...)

haa.come to think of it..im horrible!! hmm..dunno what's wrong with me then. Even since pri sch...I have to play different games every few days... first it was catching...then I will change to "Pepsi-cola" (haf u guys played that b4??) ...then hop-scotch...then 5stones...then 1-leg catching..then zero-point... haa. I seemed to always be the one who made everyone changed games every.... 3 days? so mean of me huh. haa. manz. thinking of pri sch days...makes me jealous now. Sounds cliche but how I wish I could turn back time!

oh well, enough about me being interest-deficit...the pri sch stuff reminded me about how everything seemed so innocent when u are young. friendships were pure, no politics.. n how care-free we were! It's always nice to reminisce those good old days isn't it?

think I really wanna emphasie on how hard it is to actually find true friendship in this complicated world. So many times, we experience superficial friendship, "friends" with motives, "friends" that run away when u are in need, "friends" that play politics, "friends" that spread rumours about u, "friends" that never stood up for u when u are challenged, "friends" that always made u feel inadequate.....so many of such "friends" Im sure most of us have met. It hurts real deep when we discover the real side of them, doesn't it?

Well, then think about the great friends u have..the friends who stood by you truout ur tough times, friends that call u up to offer help when they know you do, friends that listen with no judgement, friends that accept u for who u are, friends that make you feel good just by being who u r...etc. LOads n loads of them? well, if u do have many of such wonderful friends, u are real lucky. Because in life, not all of us have the fortune to have met so many true friends.

Often, it's during the toughest days that you finally see who ur true friends are. Most ppl agree. It's true. When u find out who your real friends are, do treasure them. They need not be friends that uve known for years, nor friends that sacrifice many things for u. Care n concern with sincerity are probably enough. Think about such friends of urs and be thankful uve met them.

As Ive promised, Ill try to end my posts with a section that I will describe a friend, someone that I appreciate a lot, a friend I wanna thank, for just being who they are. Each posts will be a diff friend..so Im sure most of u will be starred! haa.

Thank you my friend (1)....
Although I don't know you for long, and I don't know u that well, you are one of the very few that can probably understand what Ive been going through. It's a strange and unique friendship, built on shared problems n obstacles. U are someone I can tell my difficulties without worrying whether u understood. Whether u will leave me after knowing my secrets. It always amuses me how alike yet how different we are. U are intellectual, while Im certainly nowhere near there. haa, u are artistic, and Im not! U are frank and I always trust u to make honest comments. Despite our differences in characters, we were so similiar in our problems. Now, u are a great encouragement to me! Im thankful for having met u.

with metta.........

Charlie's Kat angel??!?

Hey, thanks dearies for supporting my blog, do link me if u haf one too! =>

Ah..my body is aching.. juz came back frm my first lesson of MuaY thAi! buaHaa. eH in case u r starting to imagine me in the OnG bAk role. Forget it. not even close to Charlie's Angel. haa.
it's juz a "For Beginner" kinda stuff, a lot less intese than those professional muaythai boxing sch... ..but darn it's realli tough enough. manz. heard frm the instructor that for those prof schs, they have to run up n down bukit timah hills, up n down 30storey high stairs..blah blah..all for WaRM UP! ??? sheesh!

could hardly keep my balance when we had to punch with the big mits (gloves thingy..)... hmm. I prefer kickboxing though, this is really a lot of technique. For u guys (Yes, GUYs too.), if u r into Ong Bak n stuff, give it a try, Muay BoxinG. YeeEhAaa!


actually ..was gonna talk bout something realli deep...like love or something..but Im feeling too "tough" to talk bout that now. haa, must be the after-effects of the session...

oh yea, Im thinking of starting a series of "thank the mystery friend" stuff. For every post coming up..Ill try to end with a small section that will describe a different friend....a friend that I want to thank for entering my life...n he or she has made a difference in my life..no matter how small..or how great.. =) and the best part is...I won't reveal the name..haa. so for u guys reading my blog....if the description fits..it must be you!

for tonight....gimme a break..Im dead tired...haa. it will start tomorrow! =)
so....that's all folks!

with metta............................

Steve Irwin..U will always be remembered...

OmG. I think some of u guys may haf heard about the sad news. Steve Irwin died. The world just lost one wonderful conservationist.

If u are wondering who the heck is Steve Irwin...he's also known as Mr Crocodile Hunter. He's well-known for his Aussie hit documentary "Crocodile Hunter", Im sure most of us have at least a slight memory of a guy on tv who seemed like a friend of crocodiles, hosting shows about animals and nature. He always appeared so happy n excited about the things of nature that he was explaining. Sadly, he died in a freak accident, was attacked by a stingray...

Just a post or two ago, I talked bout the need for ppl to be more considerate to the environment and all, n today, this great guy, who had been a passionate environmentalist, is gone. Sigh. Im sure the crocodiles are mourning for him too.

Well, Im not exactly a fan of crocodiles, they somehow give me the creeps... so I totally admire his love for them. It's not easy for someone to be so open bout his passion for nature. Im sure he did influence a lot of ppl in loving the enviornment more and we will miss him..

Today was kinda slow..but did a few nice things. Went for a walk with mum...(a long time since we did that I think...haa) n tried to jog a little (test-drive my injured leg..) ..it din hurt that much though. yay. hope it's really recovering...n it wun act up on me suddenly.
catched up with mum...had dinner with parents.. oh yea. I jsut realised I miss broccoli so much. haa. In case u dunno ...I so lOVE broccOli n mY mum cooks the best broccoli dish. haa. so was having dinner n there was BROCCOLI! ..though it wasnt tat long ago since I had it..but it just "made" my day after a bite! haa. darn..broccoli makes me high. =) maybe it was the anti-oxidants acting.

Im feeling so strange now..my throat is starting to hurt..urgh.. cos I finished this huge bag of chips and another 2 packet of muchies...by myself... OMG. the guilt is attacking me! sheesh. That's the problem, I can't haf too much food lying around home. It just ends up in my stomach. That reminds me, I can't tahan that Lay's catchphrase , it annoys me cos it can be so true . "Betcha can't eat just one!" Shucks. I just realised the bag of chips I ate was Lay's! Damn.

Think Id better go rest, body still aching frm yest's looong day. haa. so here u go, goodnite..n to Steve Irwin.."U will always be remembered...kudos to ur passion for nature..."

with metta...

WelComE. HuAn YinG. SelamaT DatAnG. *aPPlause*

YaY...finaLLy moved to a nicer environment..haa. friendster's blog was kinda boring me.. too restricting.....so thought I should shift my blog here.
well actually, I started this blogsite about 1yr plus ago when I was studying alone in KL.....if u are wondering where the old posts I did then, are ...dun bother searching..I deleted it away! =) too many "censored" stuff... it was hard to screen thru...so I decided to just delete ALL of them... =>
Start afresh! so may I welcome u guys here! Do link me if u haf a blog too yea?

btw if u are interested to read my old posts ... here it is..
http://katzqi.blogs.friendster.com/katzqi/

thanks for ur support!