lousy sunday..

smtg happened today..just now.. makes me feel kinda sad.. sad at what I have to cope with.. I know it doesn't make sense anyway.. it's too complicated..
I just feel sad again..that I have to disappoint ppl I always try my best to please.. have u ever felt being not good enough for something? as if u ain't worthy of it.. yea I feel that way.. feel that alot.. they call it low self-esteem ..or even lack of self love.. I call it lack of positive reinforcement..

Let's forget about that crap..that's just for me to deal with..
my day wasnt the usual sunday...no youth session today.. come to think of it..wow..1 week passed! sounds cliche but time flies man! remember last sunday I met up with some bf dearies after dinner.... at this rate...before I know it..Im gonna be in my 40's...sheesh... hopefully by then, I won't be still in this pathetic state.. then again..I hope Ill still be alive.. oh crap.

next few days gonna be xiong.. entire day of job training tomorrow...gota wake up at 7am...n be back at midnite... ahh.. I miss waking up late... lucky I had a dosage of it today.. hopefully enough to last me for a few days..
think I have sleeping probs.. never gotten proper ones since godknows when.. always so brief n disturbed.. hangover effects each time I wake up.. when I don't even drink.. wat the heck.
suddenly I wonder how it feels to wake up from a good deep sleep.. like the way they describe it...feeling "refreshed" and "alive".. hmm. I guess for me I always feel unfresh..n dead? haa. crap..again.

think Im not in the proper state to blog today.. having a deficiency of happiness at this moment..
u guys take care huh..
with metta...

Thank you my friends (9)...
It's a group of friends esp. 2 special ladies that I wanna thank today... =) yup, it's amazing how much care and love u dearies have for others.. Im grateful for your care and patience .. how u took care of me in 46A.. never judge but listen whole heartedly.. always believed in hope..and always saw the positive side of everything and everyone...
The 2 special ladies (N n M) are sweeties that Ill never ever forget.. the nights we chatted.. how u2 cheered me up when I was at my lowest point.. bearing with all the crap.. and chose to "inject" me with hope and positivity.. been years.. August 2003.. it was tough..but u2 stood by me..these are friendships Im grateful for..thanks dears..