far far east...

think im giving up. the more I try, the more I think about it, the more it's not going to work. Maybe it's my bad karma ripening..do I really have that much bad karma? so much that this has to drag on for so long... sigh.

anyway...had a boring day.. spent my night wandering around on my own.. wanted to spend it with my parents, but guess they were not feeling well. was told to "do what I want to do?" I was quite lost...din know how to react.. what do I want to do? I don't even know the answer myself.

So ended up going for dinner and walking around town on my own. realised things changed a lot... When I was still in sec sch..often hung out at FarEast during weekends... I remember the place used to be quite "wulu" still, with the same few sch students who are regulars...

Today...my gosh..the place is totally transformed. the basement opened up (Used to be metro la..), filled with shops, wanna-bes, over dressed youths... punks, lians, bengs.. even the lians and bengs "fashion" changed! (I know it has already changed for years...)

Although it's not my first time there now, I just reflected on it today... reminisce bt sweet memories of mine.. it certainly wasnt full of cigarette smokes puffing frm "cool" youths.. I actually had to cough my whole way frm Far East till Ck Tangs..
Teenagers were crossing road without even looking out for traffic....swaggering like it's their grandpa's road.. sheesh.

I started to wonder how the place will turn out in 8 years' time... or rather how "wanna-be" youths will be acting by that time... kinda scary... I admit even my generation of youths weren't that "holy innocent"...but still, norms were much more conservative.. there was more innocence around... ppl were still generally more rule-abiding...had curfews by parents... n a 1 night stay over at a friend's place was a big deal!

hmm..I guess it's also part of the consequence of a more advanced n modern society...societal norms are more liberalised...and the young mature much
faster...
Some believe the "hormones" injected in farmed animals to make them grow faster play a part too... if u don't know, most farmed animals esp chickens are injected with these hormones so they will grow so fast most of their legs break bcos they can't support the body weight... reason for injecting? to meet dietary demands my dears... they wan to make money...they can't afford to wait for months to let the chickens grow naturally... if u are not convinced..check this out then..
http://www.factoryfarming.com/poultry.htm

Anyway as I was saying, whether u believe the "hormones" play a part in fast-maturing youths.. well, it's really up to you.. but there is research that support it ...

hmm..just realised I got drifted away..haa. oh yea, a friend of mine asked me.... since I always dream about my Mr Perfect..do I think Ill end up marrying one that represents it?

haa, actually I think many times in real life, we end up being with ppl that are totally different frm their "ideals"... it's true ...really.. In fact, I think as long as we found the one whom u truly loved and wanna be with him/her forever...the one who will take care of u for the rest of your life...never neglects u...and the one who will accompany u to the hospital for check-ups when u are 70... now...I think that's more important...

looks are superficial..yet ppl can't resist the attraction of it...that's probably why lust happens more than love... it's sad huh.

anyway doubt Ill ever find my MR Perfect...bcos I realise frm most guys I know... their ideals are always the type who are fair (I obviously fail..), long-haired (mine not long enough), feminine (I fail again..), submissive (I doubt Im enough...), not forgetting pretty (I totally fail again...).. haa. admit it guys...u dream about such girls don't u!

hmm. when sometimes I think about it, if Im lucky enough to live till old that is, all I wan to be when Im in my 50's is to have a loving family of mine...with a doting husband.. 2 kids...and a dog! *dreaming again*

haa, oh well, sometimes I fear Ill never be near that...fear Ill die young..fear Ill die alone..sheesh. Ive a whole LOT of fears I tell u...all bcos of impermanence..now that is probably one of the greatest truth Ive ever known... no wonder Buddha can be Buddha =)

ritey then, u guys enjoy ur Sundays huh. with metta...


Thank you my friend (8)....

U were someone special, bcos u were my best friend. Many years of friendship we had, it must be fate that we ended up in the same schs truout ...even till JC.. days and years of memories... we hung out alll the time ..before sch, after sch.. nothing seemed to make us drift apart.. it's ironic isn't it, how things turn out today...

to tell u the truth, although we were the greatest pair of friends, Ive always felt pathetic next to u. It's prob my fault I let others' constant comparison affected me. I just weren't nowhere near the perfection u were. Well, things started to change, we both changed and u had ur own life, and so did I...they just weren't compatible anymore. Good things come to an end, always.

Still, I wanna thank u for the great times we had, the yakking and rubbish we went tru while growin up... the rushing back b4 our parents screamed at us, the chalets we organised, and the daily trips to sch. I appreciate ur being around during most of my ups and downs at that time. But in the end, we still need to move on.. I think it's better how things are now, no regrets... Wishing u all the best..